come down off the wall.

Give.

2008-05-18T19:52:34Z

Today was my first Sunday back in church since Easter. What a difference it has made already.

Pastor Chris explained to us that God has called him to have the church paid off by February of 2010…all 8.5 million dollars. As impossible as it may seem, the church has all the faith we need to get this done. I have no doubt that Christ the Rock will come through. With the church paid off completely, we can give all of our focus to giving to our community, changing our community, and setting an example for other people to follow.

I don’t think I have ever been prouder of my church than I was today. Some generous soul donated $30,000 to get the ball rolling on this, and a brilliant mind thought of the perfect way to use it. Volunteers handed out envelopes to every person in the congregation. Anywhere from $5 to $500 was found in them. The catch? We cannot use this money for personal things, or give it to people we know. Rather, we are to go out into our community and give it to people who need it.

This was based on an event that happened at Starbucks not too long ago. Someone in the drive-thru line payed for the coffee that the person behind them ordered. A nice gesture, but do you know what was so amazing about this? It went on for four hours. FOUR HOURS of people paying for each other’s coffee. I have to wonder how it changed their days. Those unsuspecting people grabbing a quick cup of coffee were greeted with a surprise at the drive-thru window and they passed the gift on. Imagine this in a larger perspective. It could change our city, our country, and even our world. As Chris said, something as small as $50 may help someone keep their car for another month. $500 could save someone from foreclosure. $5 could change someone’s view on life completely.

I received money in an envelope today, and it isn’t mine to keep. But let me tell you, I have never gotten so much joy from even a paycheck than I got from that small envelope. I am going to give. Christ the Rock is going to GIVE. After all, isn’t that what a church is supposed to do? Give back to the community. Let God shine through us by giving hope to others in need. God is all over this…I think other churches should be, too. This event should not just belong to Christ the Rock. It should permeate through these cities and towns until all the people of all the churches are giving.

I mean, how blessed are we to have the ability to give back? Let’s take this big give to the next level.

Lessons in a day

2008-05-16T06:45:15Z

Lunch at the Belmont Grill was the reason for these stomach pains that I’m feeling now. Not because of the yummy food, but because I was eating with some of my closest friends. I don’t think we stopped laughing for a minute while we were there. First it was about the “no sleeveless shirts” sign, then it was about the $200 kitchen sink, and it all grew from there. How wonderful it is to laugh at the little things and forget about all of the cares in this world.

This week, I lost my job. I think it was for the best though, because it was not where I was supposed to be. I worked every weekend, which meant missing church every Sunday. Absolutely no good can come of that. So as much as I’ll miss making ten bucks an hour, I’ll get my church family back. I can go back to volunteering at the coffee bar every Sunday, which is my pride and joy. Oh, the conversations that are made at the Christ the Rock coffee bar. It is my duty to clear my mind and listen. God will show me where I need to be.

Speaking of that, I went job searching today. After visiting every clothing store you could imagine, I pulled up in front of Ann Taylor. As I sat in my car, something was pushing me to go in and get an application. I figured another one couldn’t hurt, so I slowly went in. After dealing with 10+ women who could have cared less about me wanting to apply at their stores, it was the biggest relief to walk into Ann Taylor. The first lady that greeted me led me right to the manager, who first asked for my name–how thoughtful! She was such a joy to meet and talk to, and she actually helped! Needless to say, I am thankful that I went in. I completed an on-line interview, and I’ll be turning the application in tomorrow. Hopefully it will come through.

I’ve picked up piano again for the first time in months. It seems like every time I come back to it, the less I remember. Normal, I guess, but annoying. After seeing Radiohead in Atlanta, my love for them was rekindled and now I simply cannot get enough. Just listening to Karma Police gives me the shivers, so I decided that I would try and learn it myself. First, I asked for the assistance of my insanely musically inclined boyfriend, but he lost me too many times. Then I found a lesson on youtube, which was a little helpful. Now, you should know that I only play by ear. I cannot read any kind of music, despite a year of piano lessons, and I do not know chords or notes. I’m piano-illiterate, if you can even call it that. Now, after hours of practice and a few mental breakdowns, I still only know the first half of the song. And I can’t even play it that well. Just give it time, I’ll get it sooner or later.

How’s this for luck? After the long day of job searching, I figured I would wind down with some Target shopping. You know how they have the designer jewelry in the glass cases? Well, I passed that case at least twice a week for a month, eying these earrings. In the jewelry case, there were two pairs of the earrings, one green with a golden moth, the other blue with a golden dove. It was love at first sight, if that can happen with jewelry, which I am almost positive it can. I always stopped and peered in to search for a price, and never saw one. I just figured, hey, they are in a glass case and I can’t see the price; there is no way I’ll ever get them. So I never bothered to ask…until today. I just couldn’t take it any longer; those earrings were never going to leave. I pressed the little help button, and an employee walked over seconds later. As it turns out, the earrings were $14.99, wonderful. But it gets better! That was the price for BOTH sets of earrings! I never in my life thought I would get that excited over something so tiny, but I know I’ll be wearing those babies for a long, long time.

Then again, maybe it wasn’t luck at all. Maybe…it was fate.

by_number @ 2007-12-31T10:33:00

2007-12-31T16:44:10Z

Life is good.
Except for this sickness that has tracked me down!

by_number @ 2007-12-27T20:53:00

2007-12-28T04:06:41Z

This is how I'm feeling lately...

I would have been there for him, even if it was only for a minute or two. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pushed aside by the one I care for most. All I want is to be number one in his eyes. Honestly, is that selfish of me? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be with a serious relationship. I am the worst at reading people, and this has been proven in the past two or three weeks. Am I overcrowding him? Does he still want to be with me? Agh..it's like parents are with newborns. What do they need? The aren't talking to you, so how do you know for sure? Trial and error? I'm not too sure that will work in this situation. Although...that would be neat and convenient if it would...anyways. I just want to be CARED for and LOVED. I know that couples get into little fights, it will happen. I know this. But I'm not supposed to feel like this. His character has taken a turn for the worst..and all I want is the person that I started dating to come back to me. Come back, sweet boy! Maybe this will be a one time thing that everyone goes through...maybe he has no clue any of this is going on at all. You know what I think I'm scared of? I afraid that if I talk to him about what he has been doing to make me feel so bad, it will turn out to be my fault. I've checked the records enough, and I'm 99% sure it's not me.. but who knows. I guess if it is then I need to know. Come home from Chicago so I can confront these silly issues! Confrontation is not my specialty.

I feel so darn selfish when I think stuff like what I typed above. But considering my past relationships, I have every right to be skeptical and such. I need to learn to stand up for myself more. Does anyone have suggestions on how to handle situations like this? Was I even clear on what the situation was?

Am I focusing too much on the bad to see the great things he says and does for me?

My grades for the first semester of college were pretty okay with me:
Foundations of Math: B
Music Appreciation: A-
ACAD: C (I didn't fail!)
Cultural Anthropology: B+
Literary Heritage: B

I'm trying to get a job at portrait innovations. They haven't called me yet, but I hope they will.

My brain is too frazzled right now. It's about time for clarity!

by_number @ 2007-12-26T00:08:00

2007-12-26T06:29:18Z

I wonder as I watch the moon bump noses with a star.
Are you watching too, or is it dark and rainy where you are?
And when I twirl the radio dial and hear some song thats
I wonder if, off where you are, you might be listening too?
Do you daydream as I daydream and miss me too my dear;
and when I'm wishing I were there, Do you wish you were here?
Your letters help a little bit, each page is full of charm,
but, darling they aren't quite enough, for letters don't have arms.

It's strange...the people that we take for granted in this life are the people that we should be holding closest to our hearts. You know, she was always, always there. I knew that every time I passed by that blue house on Fletcher Street, she was in there. Her house was perfect, no speck of dirt to be found. Drawers were filled with fur, and closets full of clip-on earrings. "You should stop by and visit. You know she loves that." She kept a jar of Werther's Candy, our favorite kind. "Well, I'm busy this afternoon. Maybe another time." She had the kindest eyes and the sweetest face that would light up whenever company came, or she came to company. The thing that we children focused on was the pool table in the middle of the living room. That's it. I regret all of those times I passed by that house without going in. On Christmas Eve, my Nanny's birthday, Clara "Granny Bride" Gossett passed away. It was a blessing that she was taken, because she was in unbelievable amounts of pain. No one should have to sit there and suffer like that. All she could say was "Lord, I'm coming home." Everyone said it would be a few days, but she knew. She knew that God would not let her suffer for another day. As I sit here tonight, I have no doubt where my great grandmother is. There was so much knowledge and past to that woman, and I bypassed the chance to know it all. Christmas day, we sat down and looked at pictures of her and told stories about her. We laughed and cried, and I learned so much. My Granny Bride was one of the strongest, sweetest, most stylish women I have ever had the priviledge of knowing. The picture above was one that Granny Bride sent to my great grandfather while he was overseas. On the back, she wrote a little note along with that poem. They were so in love ...and now they can be together again without any pain or heartache.

by_number @ 2007-11-05T18:06:00

2007-11-06T00:10:21Z

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand the way God works...
But it must be accepted.

by_number @ 2007-05-28T17:42:00

2007-05-28T22:49:22Z

In future times
We'll hold it closer
Imagining
We weren't older
Yet, through it all
They'll be playing our song

by_number @ 2007-04-29T17:45:00

2007-04-29T22:52:36Z

Displace Me
April 28-29, 2007

My family.
More to come.

by_number @ 2007-04-10T21:03:00

2007-04-11T02:15:42Z

This weekend has been beautiful.
The Spirit of God permiated through every crack of every place I entered.
Saturday night, JTF had a little show at the Rally Point.
The Rally Point is a run-down hole in the wall place full of the lost.
At one point int JTF's show, they did an instrumental song.
Bobby then began to recite scripture and give one of the most inredible speeches I've heard.
He spoke of Jesus and the story of Easter.
He reminded everyone in that place that God love them.
He loves us no matter what.
Jesus died for us, and that is a beautiful thing.
Bobby had everyone moved to tears.
One guy got saved, and another is on his way,
Church Sunday was uplifting.
After church was uplifting.
Dinner was uplifting.
I am truly blessed to have such great friends and family.
My heart has never felt this great.

I look at Samuel and all I can do is smile.
He is my happiness here on this earth.
Mmmm...love, love, love.

My Mosi days are over.
Who needs them, anyways?

Welcome, change; I've been expecting you.

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it’s state of desperation
For Your glory
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home.
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
-Leeland

by_number @ 2007-02-22T18:22:00

2007-02-23T00:39:55Z

See that glow?

Know what it means?

Kendyl Brooke is in L-O-V-E.

by_number @ 2007-01-08T21:55:00

2007-01-09T04:07:40Z

Whirlwind. Yes.
Let us see.
Listen to a particular Wilco song, and you may get an idea.
Also, Kendyl: a juvenile delinquent?
I know, I know.
But come on.
It was just a viloation of curfew.
Get over it.
Now a day in court is heading my way.

I wish something brand new would happen with a situation I'm in.
I know it is vauge, but I am certainly waiting.
Although, I doubt anything at all will happen.
Blah blah blah.

by_number @ 2007-01-02T19:12:00

2007-01-03T01:21:18Z

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.
And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

by_number @ 2006-12-18T19:04:00

2006-12-19T01:05:59Z

I finally got my photography extravaganza today.

Chris kelly's unfinished second painting of me.

Chris Kelly's first painting of me.

by_number @ 2006-12-17T23:23:00

2006-12-18T05:24:33Z

Everything is temporary.

by_number @ 2006-12-17T21:30:00

2006-12-18T03:47:40Z

He came to meet me
On some July morning
He said he missed me
He came without warning
We walked for half a day
Got lost in my neighborhood
Came back another way
Just like I knew we would
And he came to meet me

He had some stories
He knew a few of mine
I had not heard his voice
For such a long time
My mind would race a bit
Come back to where we stood
I could not keep hold of it
Although I knew I should
And he came to meet me

I'd seen this whole day
Like it was drawing near
Sometimes I'd pray for it
Sometimes I'd shake with fear
Sometimes the only thought
That kept me in the night
Was one that I'd forgot
In summer's blinding light
And he came to meet me

I wrote myself a song
I could not speak what I'd done
He could've been here all along
He could've been anyone
But there is no one who
Could wake my heart like this
Could break my world in two
I felt a suddenness
I felt a suddenness
The day fell completely still
The dream was a lot like this
But I never knew until
He came to meet me

I had a nice, long entry typed out.
But, it was dumb so i deleted it.

People, they come together.
People, they fall apart.
No one can stop us now.

I got my hair done today. That's also where I work.

by_number @ 2006-12-13T21:17:00

2006-12-14T03:29:03Z

You know what I want?
I want to fall head over heels in love with someone.
I want someone to want me so much, they do everything they can, no matter what.
I want to feel so much love and care for a person...
A feeling that cannot be described by simple words or phrases.
And I want the feelings to be completely mutual.

PS: My friend Michael and I made a myspace page for our photos, just for kicks. Check it out and be sure to add us!

www.myspace.com/dubyaverymuch

by_number @ 2006-12-09T19:55:00

2006-12-10T01:55:50Z

As of right now, this is the only picture I've gotten of our first show as Mosi.

by_number @ 2006-12-05T20:40:00

2006-12-06T02:40:26Z

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. Love is really worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."

Today was a venting day for Courtney and I in art class.
We found much in common when it came to past relatonships.
Who would have known two of them existed?
Crazy, indeed, but a nice conversation.

My Nanny took me to the foot doctor today.
The appointment went well.
Another few weeks of acid treatments and the virus should be gone.
I love it when we go places together.
It gives me the chance to update her on my life and get her opinions on things.
I often need her thoughts to help me decode other people's thoughts; she's very good at that.
I'm awful at reading people.

Last night was brilliant.
We just went to Barnes & Noble and did homework amongst other things,
But it was great.
Mmmm..really great.

More later when the clouds clear.

This was taken by Mike Wild at Perkins right after our show on Friday.

I look dumb, but that's okay.

Mike Wild won this bear for me... we dubbed it the "Mosi Bear"

& This was taken by Courtney Hacker... THE AMBIENT CLAW, (Saturday/Jonah The Furious)

Tonight's moon. ( the picture doesn't at all do it justice. I watched it rise and it was perfect.)

Aaaand I drew this for Kyle today.

by_number @ 2006-12-03T22:21:00

2006-12-04T04:21:37Z

You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it,
Maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at,
Twist your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you,
All is full of love
you just aint receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love!-DCFC

I feel I have the best group of friends on this planet.
Belonging somewhere is beautiful.
These people make me love my life, make it worth being here.

Thanksgiving was delicious.
Family and food and pictures.
Mmm.

I threw "Elf Night" at my house.
We watched the best Christmas movie in the world, ate junk, made videos and music, and had tons of fun.
I'm glad it got to happen!

The Death Cab For Cutie show was last Tuesday.
It was pretty good, worth the money for the most part.

Also, I am now officially a part of the band Mosi.
I play bass and piano for them.
Me, Kyle, Patrick, and Ben.
It's the best thing I have ever been a part of.
At first, it was all of us just messing aroud, making up random things.
Then, a week ago, someone asked us to play a show at this church coffee house.
We said we'd do it, and we practiced SO MUCH during that week.
I didn't think many people would show up or anthing.
Someone ended up making posters and flyers and junk.
200+ people showed up!
It was incredible!
We had people asking where to buy CDs and telling us how great we did.. ah.
Best feeling in the universe.
Unfortunately, no pictures of our show yet.
My sister forgot the camera bahhh.
But as soon as I get some.. you'll see.

Unexpected things are going down and I cannot stop smiling,
Random moments are constantly popping into my head and I laugh and I love it.
At times, I'm content with what is.
Then again, what could be seems, to me, even bigger.
I guess we'll see.

My father and I are currently not on speaking terms.
JHGALDHG.

THANKSGIVING

RANDOM

JONAH THE FURIOUS @ THE RALLY POINT

DEATH CAB @ THE ORPHEUM MEMPHIS

RANDOM POSTSECRET THINGS I LIKE.

by_number @ 2006-11-20T23:05:00

2006-11-21T05:05:28Z

Today I am completely content with my life.

by_number @ 2006-11-13T17:37:00

2006-11-13T23:37:08Z

I did have something typed out.
But nothing was coming out right.
So I guess I'll give this backspace key a rest
and let the picture do the talking.

by_number @ 2006-11-12T17:57:00

2006-11-12T23:57:37Z

I can't write anything just yet.

by_number @ 2006-11-12T17:30:00

2006-11-12T23:30:11Z

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity." - Epicurus

by_number @ 2006-07-11T01:47:00

2006-07-11T06:59:14Z

do you see that smile?
ah, probably one of the cutest things i've ever seen.

tonight was great.
pee wee's playhouse & sugar cookies & weird outdoor noises.
all with forrest.

why does there have to be time?
& even if there is, why does it have to fly by so quickly?

i'm ready for my camera now.

by_number @ 2006-07-09T23:10:00

2006-07-10T04:17:09Z

today i bought clothes for my senior pictures.
i'll be taking them on the 24th.
there's still so much to be done!
i'm being a total procrastinator on this one.

not sure about what to wear with this one.
i promise it's not as pink as it looks.